Dreams

Bright lights and white walls… The doctors come and tell us that Samuel is brain dead… They want to stop life support… I ask for one more day… I know he will wake up tomorrow if they just give him one more day… I beg, but they shake their heads… They walk out the door and down the hall to stop Samuel’s ventilator… 

The sound of crying in the house… Jeremy searches room to room… He finds Jana and Michael, but the crying continues… He realizes it is Samuel… He runs through the house, but can’t find him… The crying continues. ..

We are splashing in the lake… Samuel steps into water over his head and disappears… I dive for him, stretching out my hands to find him, but only touch water… It is too muddy to see… I know he is there, just out of reach… I keep searching, my fingers sifting the empty water… 

2 thoughts on “Dreams

  1. My 22 year old daughter died unexpectedly, 15 months ago, from Pulmonary Embolism that had been misdiagnosed as first Asthma then Anxiety.
    I have had 2 “almost dreams”. The last one was a silly dream about her and she wasn’t dead she was at school and I was fighting for her over something silly with a professor. I could “almost” see her….but not quite. The 2 dreams I have had where I can see Sawyer were frightening, like yours, probably brought on by the trauma surrounding her death.
    I have a hard time shaking all those these dreams and am so distracted, even at work, afterwards. That is hard as my job requires my attention. I wish I could have a beautiful dream about her… where I can REALLY see her…even though I would be wrecked for I don’t know how many days.

    I am so sorry for your losing Samuel and the horrible way it happened. Sending love and friendship.
    Donmarie

    • I am so sorry to hear about Sawyer. It sounds like our babies went to heaven around the same time.

      I wish I could have a good dream about Samuel too, but it hasn’t happened. Sometimes I’m jealous of the moms who have lovely dreams about their children, but I know we each have to walk our own path, our own circumstances.

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